“Two are better than one…If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
A sister tying the traditional bracelet on her brother’s arm for Raksha Bandhan – pic: india.com
The bond of love between a brother and sister in a family is something to be cherished. Today, this sibling bond marks the celebration of the Hindu festival of Rakshabandhan, literally translated as the “bond of protection.” Sisters tie beautiful threads on their brother’s wrist, in return, he pledges to protect her from all adversities in life. This is a beautiful act of love and devotion that we can all appreciate and learn from, no matter what religious views we hold.
Most biblical stories of sibling relationships are not shining examples of what “should be” but rather what “should not be.” The first story we hear is about Adam and Eve’s sons Cain and Abel. Cain killed Abel out of jealousy because God favored Abel’s offering over Cain’s. Then we read about Ishmael being banished from Abraham’s household when his half-brother, Isaac, was born. All because Sarah was jealous of the son Abraham had with her maidservant, Hagar. That jealousy filtered down to Ishmael and Isaac, and their descendants have been fighting for the last 3,800 years!
Isaac had twin sons, Jacob and Esau. Isaac favored Esau and Rebekah favored Jacob. Rebekah so favored Jacob that, when Isaac was on his deathbed, she conspired to trick him in order to deprive Esau of the blessing that his father planned on giving to him as the oldest son. As a result, Esau sought to kill Jacob. The younger twin was forced to flee and Rebekah never saw her beloved son again. We then learn that Jacob goes on to marry two sisters, Leah and Rachel. They don’t try to kill each other but are terribly jealous of one another. Not surprisingly the children of this triangle of Jacob, Leah and Rachel have problems of their own.
As parents, we have an obligation to our family to not allow favoritism to come into the household.
The takeaway from all of these stories is this: favoritism leads to jealousy. As parents, we have a responsibility not to allow favoritism to creep into our households. There will always be times when favoritism is perceived. When we praise an achievement, or spend more money on one child than the others, or having to care for a sick child, hence taking time away from the others. But when we are aware that there could be a negative perception, we can speak into the situation and ease the hurt. That’s what good parenting is.
Another biblical story that speaks into sibling relationships is heart-wrenching but must be mentioned; the story of King David’s children, Tamar, Absalom and their half-brother, Amnon. Amnon fell in love with his sister and coerced her into his room and raped her. When Absalom found out he was enraged. His anger seethed within him for two years until he found an opportunity to have Amnon killed. In this series of events, Tamar’s life was ruined and Absalom became a murderer to avenge his sister’s disgrace. And it appears that their father knew nothing of the rape until after Amnon was killed. How dysfunctional a family it was! Secrets, lies, and immorality will kill any relationship, especially within a family.
Miriam, Moses’ older sister, offering her help to the princess to save her little brother.
There is, however, a biblical story that offers an example of a healthy sibling relationship. Moses’ sister, Miriam, played a key role in saving Moses’ life when he was a baby. And their brother Aaron stood side by side with Moses as they led the Children of Israel out of Egypt. With different strengths, two brothers and one sister successfully led the people together. Did they always get along? No. Was there a little sibling rivalry? Yes. But they worked together not against each other. They recognized each other’s individual talents and supported one another. There is nothing better than seeing a family work well together. If we can value each other’s strengths and encourage each other in our weaknesses, it is a win-win for the whole family unit.
We need to be considerate of how we treat our children. Even the perception of favoritism will lead to jealousy and failed relationships. We must encourage our children to love and honor one another. If we do a good job of that when they are young, it will follow them for the rest of their lives. When our own children would fight with each other, we would send them to a room together and tell them they could not come out until they said three nice things about the other one. It took a lot of effort sometimes, but it was a great lesson for them to learn to value each other.
We can most definitely learn from the biblical “should nots.” We can learn from other’s mistakes and take from the best that others have to offer. Rakshabandhan is one of those “bests” we can learn from. Sisters should cherish their brothers and brothers should take responsibility to protect their sisters. There is no greater bond than that. Just one reminder: Always take the moral high ground along the way…that is the most honoring of all.
