“Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” Deuteronomy 5:16
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Honor your father and mother is the first commandment to come with a promise. For people who have a great relationship with their parents this is not a hard commandment to obey. But for others, it is a lifetime struggle. It is the promise “that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you,” that motivates and encourages the multitudes of children who find it difficult to respect or honor a parent. To honor someone is a choice. This means that a child must be old enough to make that choice. It means that there is already a history between parents and their children. The relationship between parent and child is the first relationship any child experiences. It is the prototype for future relationships. What a child sees and experiences in the home is what ultimately determines whether this commandment is easy or challenging to fulfill.
Small children look at their fathers with adoration and pride. A child’s first words usually begin with “Dada.” When daddy comes home his children run to him with arms open wide wanting to be held. The joy on daddy’s face when he walks through the door and sets his eyes on his children excites them and gives them the confidence to know that they are loved. A hug and kiss will heal any hurt and fill any void that a child could have experienced throughout that day. Proverbs 17:6 says that “the glory of children is their fathers.” Children instinctively adore their fathers. As children grow older they seek the approval of their fathers. When they are older still, they seek counsel from their fathers. At least that is the way it should be.
A father reading the Bible with his son. (pinterest)
Fathers who have sown the seeds of love and affection into their children’s lives, year after year, will be honored not only on Father’s Day but every day. Children that grow up in the security of their father’s instruction and discipline will thrive because they know that when times get tough they have a mentor to seek advice and counsel from. A good relationship between a father and his children can and should be the most rewarding achievement of a man’s life. The Psalmist says that to be a father is a great blessing. “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. Psalm 127:3-5
So how is it that there are so many fathers in the world that are not involved with their children? Fathers who are absent or estranged or seemingly don’t even care about their children. For a man to squander his heritage and give up the reward given to him by God is a shame. It brings shame to himself and shame to his children. And for those children the commandment to honor your father becomes a monumental task.
To the father absent from his children, whether in mind or body; make a decision to love your children. Love does not come by way of a title or a biological connection. Love is not something you feel. Love is not a four letter word that can be said at the end of a phone call. Love is something you do. It takes effort, time and sacrifice. Love can only be accomplished if someone purposes to do it. Make time for your children. Enjoy seeing them grow. Acknowledge their strengths and help them overcome their weaknesses. Be the rock that they can lean on when things don’t go right. When they grow older they will honor you without question. If you fail to come through for your children they will seek others to fill the gap. They need a father figure and will find it wherever they can. Sometimes they find wonderful people to fill that void, but often the door is open to terrible influences that can lead to rough roads ahead. Do you really want that for your children? Is it something you are willing to live with? Choose wisely and you will experience the blessing.
To the child who finds it a struggle to honor their father; keep up the good fight. Do love even when you feel that it is one sided. There is no promise that your love will be returned, but God’s promise will never fail. Decide to be a better parent when the time comes to have a family of your own. You will know how to appreciate love, and freely give it. Strive to bring honor to your own household. When you live with purpose and hope, God will fill the gap.
“For gaining wisdom and instruction; for understanding words of insight; for receiving instruction in prudent behavior, doing what is right and just and fair; for giving prudence to those who are simple, knowledge and discretion to the young—let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance—“ Proverbs 1:2-5
